here we go again~

" Ia cuma mengambil masa seminit untuk jatuh hati pada seseorang,
1 jam untuk mENYUKAI seseorang,
1 hari untuk meNyinTAI seseorang,tetapi
ia mengambil masa SEPANJAnG HiDuP untuk 
meLuPakan seseorang......."

ak baru berazam xnak online smpai ahad.konon2 type2 ni esok br nk post..
tp gatal gak nk post ari ni.lpas 3hr bpikir n bpikir...
makin ak pikir..makin ak nk lari dr kenyataan datang dari ayat penyata dalam jiwa aku yg agak mrepek ni.

barelly know what I should do...
cause literally,Confession seem to Be~~herm,
 not A very good IdEa!

the last time I remember telling the truth about my feeling.it DID NOT end up good.
 only get THING WORST.
Turn up, It easier for us being enemy rather try to act friendly.
at first,He gave me hope,did make me happy TAPI,when the truth come out.The whole drama started and it like ripping us apart.
end of THAT lousy story.yup,mr X yg sharus er idup bahgia skang stelah kick out aku dari idup die yg mcm bagus sgt n guess what?
I don't give a damn care about him anymore.
pada mereka yg prnah baca probably akan muntah ijau bila ingat.
I totally forget about him,my stupid crush/feeling dat I used to have~
and move on with my lonely world again.dah lama aku bye2 kan cite bodoh yg dulu... saje ingat kan kekonon nak jadi pengajaran utk ari ni...tp~
I always trap with my own feeling.
and now,I hate to think that i'll be doing the same mistake again.
in fact i never believe I'm good enough to be someone lover.
or anyone~ especially someone dat I Do have feeling for him.so,aku xde la selalu berharap/prepare for any of that.

And yupsss,I did not expect to fall in love again.seriously??dalam waktu begini?should I care bout something else.
I did make some promise to myself untuk 'pergi' without hv to worry about 'someone' who I left  back here.tapi,aku tak boleh refuse .
I just feel it and hardly to deny it.

few months ni.'It' happen  tough I never asked for it.
At first I only want to hv some fun and create a good memory before I start my new life at QLD.
yang aku sndiri tak pasti ape kah ghupe er nanti~
Dan sekarang,
it absolutely NO FUN,when few weeks back I started to hurt jeda's feeling atas sbb musabab yg tidak bernas.
kitaorg xpnah gaduh psal laki atau berkaitan  opposite gender.
sebab taste kitaorg yg absoulety tak sama.dan ak x mungkin suka org yg die suka.NOkHTAh!

and now I even hurt my own true feeling.
sebab aku maseh pembodoh yg x reti nak belajar dari kesilapan.
menyukai ssorang diwaktu yg agak tidak seswai with someone yg barely know me.
atau barely want to know me.

'maybe we need more time...
maybe we don't really know each other well
maybe we are rushing into it..
maybe I'm not good enough for you...'

those r some thought yang make thing impossible.
alasan yg tetap akan jadi alasan.
the truth is...MAYBE~it never happen~mungkin dia tak akan rasa apa yg aku rasa.

how much time do we need?
how well do you need to know about me?
how slow do u want me to go.
how should I change to make thing possible for us?

the TRUTH always appear in UGLY form...ALWAYS!
but
will you still love the UGLY faces that you'll be seeing 
after that?
will you able to handle the obstacle you hv to face in future?
will you stay believe there always hope after storm coming?

i just feel,it seem worthless to try more if he didn't
 show some effort to know me..

if only he have the same spark like i did
if it could be much easier for us after telling how I feel
if I would stay the same tough he can't love me back.
if only I know what I could do to make him happy the most~
i'll do, even if that thing could make my heart hurt the most...
if and if....tapi rasa er chances sgt tipis.

between giving up and letting go...
aku masih keliru nak beza kan dua term ni.
nak apply dlam situasi skang ni.
should I letting go this feeling.put in the box/bottle and let it flow through the sea.
should I tight it at a kite and let it blow with the wind?

selalu sangat merasa kehilangan orang yang penting dalam hidup.
(makin tak tau hargai mereka yg hadir dlam waktu yang malang)
keep happening in my life but it never get easier for me.even the time passing by,year by year.
the sorrow never really end.

mengarut er aku skang ni.supposely aku pikir psal email visa,transporting kat sna,
brang nk packing.and other thing...
oh,GOd!
help me not to neglect my responsibilty towards my dream but
yet~ I still need love in my life..
glups...glupss...sambung minum ayer pisang+susu+tomato....arghhhhhh...pergi la jauh-jauh wahai 7kg!!!

"jangan pAndAnG pada keCaNtikan kerana boleh jadi ia pALsu,
 jandan kejar akan keMEwaHan kerana ia akan susut...."

Burn Bread Pudding

Yes dear,

I'm not really good to have a very long sleep after subuh....

Especially at time my mind have lot to handle now... endure broken heart and those feeling I hold inside...

I'm not able to sleep like a sleeping beauty did waiting for her prince charming to save her...(big F to the fairy tale~)

Last night watching some documentary about sexomnia and wadehel?? kau mmg xde pnyakit tu..

Tapi mmg satu ketika dulu I really have trouble of sleep walking...

I even knock on my friend door during my hostel life...

I'm not sure how my problem end up..

I feeling insecure if have to sleep with other people...potentially mumbling during sleep and talking thing not suppose to say...

But now,I do have to sleep in my friend room and hope those problem not happen again.

I don't think I still have those problem though..Well,not few years back..If not fara would say something about it.

I maybe have learn to pour my feeling instead swolling everything inside...

During my childhood,I always cry before going to sleep...I don't remember why I cried so much back then...

(probably I did..but I wanna try so hard to left those thing behind)

Maybe I learn to forgive people in my life.Holding grudge on other people only hurting us back..

Whoever she/he is...They only human like us...

But yet,I still an emotional human who thought can forget everything if I have a long sleep.and I don't.

I woke up this subuh around 5:30am and start baking my bread pudding....

(sebelum rentung..ni pon nampak ntah pape dah...)

I'm using the new receipe and not from the last time..Using french bread and add some peach...but I didn't check the receipe carefully. Instead I set the 300 deg C which suppose to be 300 F.

I almost burn the  bread pudding itself.luckily I don't go to bed after putting it inside the oven...

sempat la kekonon bikin lemon peach tea...

 can't finish making the topping after seeing my hopeless looking pudding...

My favourite thing can't even mend my broken heart.

(sbb lama gile teringin nk makan berri..and can't decide which berri to choose..angkat je yg mix..tu pon sbb discount jd $4)

Feeling more deeply sad.and continue to sleep at almost 7am.

Listen to the 'chirping' of the bird...sangat tipu~ bunyi gagak beborak je kot...

gagak satu: 'arkkkkk....arkkkkkk'

gagak dua : 'ark...ark...arkarkark.....'

and pikir,maybe gagak ni dapat nama sbb bunyi di mcm gagap.n tambah byk sgt ark...ark...so jadi gagak..after agree ngn teori tahyul aku tu..terus continue tido

hell yaaaah~ mimpi sangat tak indah..semua masalah ada dlm mimpi aku tadi...

1)mimpi my mom and sister visiting me here..but end up left me alone to cry...

2)mimpi sitting with my friend but few minute then realize the one sitting beside me is my classmate/group (syko gile assignment tak siap...isk3)

3) it something about he..but luckily I forget it now...

end up open my eyes and crying for what I have dream..shitssss!serius F..why must I cry?I have cry in my dream and continue doing that after I realize my reality are just as shits as my dream...

All we can do is keep breathing~

Idiot-isms

I'm just some idiot who don't see what I really want.

What truly I need...

I see some foolish girl when I stand in front of the mirror.

I see some fake smile I try to pull every single morning.Hope people will be ease on me.

Or maybe I just a pain in other people ass..Sometime I just don't know what more I could do.

If I don't trust fate.WHo am I to be?

kenapa cite kimi ni todoke ni makin sedeh lak..

demmit je....mjiwai lak watak sgt kan tgk cite ni...pdahal cite ni lg mrapu ke planet apentah...

HOLD ON!! we not gonna be forever in this world...

Love is like waiting for the right bus.but trully if I realize it will take too long to wait..

I usually just walk as close as I can to my destination.As far as I can go...I'll keep pushing myself 

to walk through my possible destination.

I see thing I wont see if I wait for the bus..I experienced and observed more aspect of life that I haven't not realize before.

Why bother walk?when the free ride is free~sometime I feel terrible for myself and like torturing myself for wasting so much time that I probably can spend it with a worth thing rather then keep waiting over and over again.

I may be wrong..But at least I do try.even if it hurt so much at the end of the journey.

26 is just a number...

sebenar er m'target total wish bday tahun ni less dari Dua PuLoh

sedar diri tak glamer....so,bila ttiba time birthday ramai org wish terasa cam confius la jugak kan~

here the list go..(best er ler wat list!!)

Plus jeda; takde er adiah2 misteri ni..
atau pertandingan itew and ini...

nanti tak ikhlas buley...hahaha,gampang je alasan nk ngelat....

start with sms/text msg;

I actually 'ON' my celcom this noon.since there no msg coming in after several hours..so,I just change it back to Lebara.klau msg after that like sooo not counting in!

1) My Lovely mummmieeeh (erghhhh,it does not sound rit huh?)

    Mrs Ibrahim a.k.a IBu ku...serius I read her msg first at moment I woke up this morning...sweet giler!

2) Kak Long (jahat gile ak tak wish time bday die aritu)

3) Jeda (bday aku die lak dapat mkan kat hilton-jeles wokey)

4) Pezarol ngongeng...(aku tak letak nama ko dlm 1st sbb ko wish semlm;rs tak bererti skit)

tak pasti ni adiah sbb aku smbung study atau adiah bday.dah lama bukak..ari ni baru start letak atas meja~

here goes the facebookers ;

5)faraheda (rasa bersalah gile last year she not able to celebrate birthday together cause of some conflict)

6)Enun (berani ilang kn video besday ak bg die)

7)Amy (dua kali dia wish..Terharu!kecian die kna exam)

8)Nazlina

9)Dzarina (ehhh,lupe nk letak nama die kat rank atas =P)

10) Icad (first time celebrate bday die last year..jeles gile ngn org yg bday ujung2 tahun ni)

11) Mawaddah Alias (I think I still hv bookmark dibikin sndiri she gave bfore aku transfer ke sMTbP)

12) aki (budak busuk = teman seperot = teman mcari makan = aku suka carik mkan ngn die)

13) Liah  (last 2 years we celebrating bday together..tak rapat sgt tp my humble sympathy for her sbb  ayah dia baru je meninggal few months ago)

14) siti BJ (aku baru teringat die sama bday ngn aku..hahaa)

15)Amalina (spupu ejun = erm,motif aku?)

16)ainur fateha

17)nasren honey(rs glamer die wish...haha)

18) nur faizatul (ak x sure die auto wish ke ape..fb ni pelik2...sbb die tak pnah lak interact ngn ak kat fb)

19) Casper

20)maYd

21)meady

22)Fuad

23) Bapak 

24) Nina

25 ) CTN (she older few hours then me...besfren first time msuk maahad..kipas susah mati SRK)

26)syahira rahmat

and whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??

kekaseh baru jeda

26 wishes sudah dikira...well,it just a number~

eh,itu bukan umur ku...yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

BUT,most important is thought

mwah..mwah..cayang cemua er...(bwek hekhek,makin kertu makin gediks lak) 

mampu nak pelok 26 orang camni? chop dok luar skali...

selepas mengosip..

I should stop my habit writing on notepad since my laptop keep crushing down unexpectedly .
Everything I put down will gone.
and for someone who have a low memory on remember thing.I forget easily.
My wireless ain't working.Start using the broadband again.

At least I feel much relief after meeting some friends last night.
Less burden after suffering that I couldn't explain.

At least I be able to cry after saying what I want last night.

Be able to share some of my thought with some friends that able to listen.
Though not all are pour out.at least some have going out of my mind.

few days ago have been quite tough day for me.thinking about some problem on my own..Not able to tell someone on the phone.typing only make it hard on me.
Try not to believe what some creatures have make me feel so bad this few days.
Is it easy to hate people?
Why easier for some to make me think I don't deserve to hold some  happiness ..
To make me feel bad on myself?

this is much hurting..feeling unwanted and make me feel I should just hate myself for what I have became.
I Don't able to tell what I really want.
Don't able to know how the other party are doing and thinking about me?
Is not like I want to read people mind..
Why is hard to understand them?

sometime it easier to sing it then to say it.
To feel it with your heart but couldn't see it with your eyes.

The world is all around us It's much too big to see,

The words are seldom honest so we never disagree

The world is all around us

But have you noticed me?

Yeah,the world has overshadowed me

The world is all around us

So tell me what you see

Yeah The world is all around us

There's little room to breathe....

here we go again~

" Ia cuma mengambil masa seminit untuk jatuh hati pada seseorang,
1 jam untuk mENYUKAI seseorang,
1 hari untuk meNyinTAI seseorang,tetapi
ia mengambil masa SEPANJAnG HiDuP untuk 
meLuPakan seseorang......."

ak baru berazam xnak online smpai ahad.konon2 type2 ni esok br nk post..
tp gatal gak nk post ari ni.lpas 3hr bpikir n bpikir...
makin ak pikir..makin ak nk lari dr kenyataan datang dari ayat penyata dalam jiwa aku yg agak mrepek ni.

barelly know what I should do...
cause literally,Confession seem to Be~~herm,
 not A very good IdEa!

the last time I remember telling the truth about my feeling.it DID NOT end up good.
 only get THING WORST.
Turn up, It easier for us being enemy rather try to act friendly.
at first,He gave me hope,did make me happy TAPI,when the truth come out.The whole drama started and it like ripping us apart.
end of THAT lousy story.yup,mr X yg sharus er idup bahgia skang stelah kick out aku dari idup die yg mcm bagus sgt n guess what?
I don't give a damn care about him anymore.
pada mereka yg prnah baca probably akan muntah ijau bila ingat.
I totally forget about him,my stupid crush/feeling dat I used to have~
and move on with my lonely world again.dah lama aku bye2 kan cite bodoh yg dulu... saje ingat kan kekonon nak jadi pengajaran utk ari ni...tp~
I always trap with my own feeling.
and now,I hate to think that i'll be doing the same mistake again.
in fact i never believe I'm good enough to be someone lover.
or anyone~ especially someone dat I Do have feeling for him.so,aku xde la selalu berharap/prepare for any of that.

And yupsss,I did not expect to fall in love again.seriously??dalam waktu begini?should I care bout something else.
I did make some promise to myself untuk 'pergi' without hv to worry about 'someone' who I left  back here.tapi,aku tak boleh refuse .
I just feel it and hardly to deny it.

few months ni.'It' happen  tough I never asked for it.
At first I only want to hv some fun and create a good memory before I start my new life at QLD.
yang aku sndiri tak pasti ape kah ghupe er nanti~
Dan sekarang,
it absolutely NO FUN,when few weeks back I started to hurt some of my friend's feeling atas sbb musabab yg tidak bernas.
kitaorg xpnah gaduh psal laki atau berkaitan  opposite gender.
sebab taste kitaorg yg absoulety tak sama.dan ak x mungkin suka org yg die suka.NOkHTAh!

and now I even hurt my own true feeling.
sebab aku maseh pembodoh yg x reti nak belajar dari kesilapan.
menyukai ssorang diwaktu yg agak tidak seswai with someone yg barely know me.
atau barely want to know me.

'maybe we need more time...
maybe we don't really know each other well
maybe we are rushing into it..
maybe I'm not good enough for you...'

those r some thought yang make thing impossible.
alasan yg tetap akan jadi alasan.
the truth is...MAYBE~it never happen~mungkin dia tak akan rasa apa yg aku rasa.

how much time do we need?
how well do you need to know about me?
how slow do u want me to go.
how should I change to make thing possible for us?

the TRUTH always appear in UGLY form...ALWAYS!
but
will you still love the UGLY faces that you'll be seeing 
after that?
will you able to handle the obstacle you hv to face in future?
will you stay believe there always hope after storm coming?

i just feel,it seem worthless to try more if he didn't
 show some effort to know me..

if only he have the same spark like i did
if it could be much easier for us after telling how I feel
if I would stay the same tough he can't love me back.
if only I know what I could do to make him happy the most~
i'll do, even if that thing could make my heart hurt the most...
if and if....tapi rasa er chances sgt tipis.

between giving up and letting go...
aku masih keliru nak beza kan dua term ni.
nak apply dlam situasi skang ni.
should I letting go this feeling.put in the box/bottle and let it flow through the sea.
should I tight it at a kite and let it blow with the wind?

selalu sangat merasa kehilangan orang yang penting dalam hidup.
(makin tak tau hargai mereka yg hadir dlam waktu yang malang)
keep happening in my life but it never get easier for me.even the time passing by,year by year.
the sorrow never really end.

mengarut er aku skang ni.supposely aku pikir psal email visa,transporting kat sna,
brang nk packing.and other thing...
oh,GOd!
help me not to neglect my responsibilty towards my dream but
yet~ I still need love in my life..
glups...glupss...sambung minum ayer pisang+susu+tomato....arghhhhhh...pergi la jauh-jauh wahai 7kg!!!

"jangan pAndAnG pada keCaNtikan kerana boleh jadi ia pALsu,
 jandan kejar akan keMEwaHan kerana ia akan susut...."

It just hurt(entri tlebey emo)

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate".


I would LOVe to keep everything that hurting me to my past.
Forgive and forgetting what might make me cry.
 literally I'm not good on doing those kind of thing.
Yeah,I'm the person who able to hold grudge for a long time.
That what my mom told me when we have a fight.
Maybe it just an excuse for her bcause forgetting thing she promised to me before.
But this isn't about my mom....
This is more to some fragile relation we build and bounding that we hope will last forever...
I'm not good telling people story.Plotting semua larik bersepahan.
Yeah,that one of my weakness.Ada ke orang kat dunia ni yang xda kelemahan?

Everyone does..But some people keep telling themselves.They can't overcome the fear.

I did sometime too...I've done a lot of mistake on my past. Terlalu banyak dan tak terhitung.

There are some mistake I wish I never did.Dan bila ingat,I can't barely hold the tears.

Tapi ada orang yg terlalu banyak mengira kelemahan diri sendiri...dan terlupa bersyukur/berterima kasih atas rahmat yg Tuhan beri..Tak nampak kasih sayang dan keikhlasan orang sekeliling.Perlu ke nak compare dgn orang lain atas nasib diri?
Klau orang lebih dari kita,kita rasa rendah diri.Klau ada orang lebih lemah/kurang bernasib baik baru kita nak mula bersyukur?


I feel like giving up on this people sometime...
Tapi,Tuhan pun tak pernah putus asa atas kat manusia.Sedangkan hari-hari kita buat dosa yang berganda.
BUT again,I'm only human.. Cuba bagi orang lain harapan walau diri sendiri terkapai-kapai.
I failed to stand strong...Ada sampai tahap yg ak sangat lemah nak berdiri balik...
Rasa ikhlas yang hilang.Rasa menyesal yang datang menganti.Tak mudah nak jadi kawan yang baik.Sedangkan diri sendiri xcukup teguh pendirian.
I've no one to turn to when I'm in deeply sorrow..
Keras hati kdg2 bila time emosi.will asking people for an advice but usually already knew what must hv done.
Bak kata enun,
"kau ni kena enter anger management class untuk belajar bersabar."
Probably I should~
dan akey said:"let the time pass by.Tak payah pikir sangat.keep the distance.Jangan complicated kan masalah. try je la kot baik biase2.no need to b soo close with someone who don't really appreciate you.
for old time sake.Relation made up from 2 side er understanding"
I don't really make a lot of friend.Probably I'm not really a good person dat people like to call friend.
But I still glad to have some of them who could guide me when I'm in the dark.
 I
Untuk mereka yg x rasa aku harus dihargai.Maybe ak harus berterima kaseh atas ke'baek'kan yg korang beri..
Mungkin ak mmg kecik hati kdg2 dgn korang.sbb hati ak x sebesar hati korang yg suci lg murni.
Aku x kan faham ape yg ada dlm otak korang.klau korang x bgtau.
I can't read mind.I'm not even a sweet talker darling~I'm just me who try to make my shallow lil heart fulfill with happiness after tears that I pour during my lonely time. 
aku  xpndai bg ayat2 manis thap diabetes to make u feel good bout urself.
ak xpndai nk puji/angkat2 org ni..sbb ak sndri susah nk rs bangga dgn diri sndri.Proven,ak rarely nk tgk chermin if nk kuar umah dlm keadaan sgera.atau g ladies time rushing2 kat mall.sbb sdar mmg comot.bila tgk cermin akan rs xpuas   ati n hv lot of dissapointment..
so I choose to avoid eye to eye ngn diri ak dlm cermin tlalu kerap..but when I did.akan amek ms agak lma.n ak buleh tukar smpai 4 baju sbb xconfident dgn bdan sndiri~
aku pon manusia lemah mcm org len.Tapi ak xhrap org dpt naseb yg sma dgn aku..lg2 when U call her ur bestfriend,bila org tu try to make u happy but It seem easy for U to make assumption like she nvr understand u.
YEah,I knew u well enough.Well enough untuk tak terus menipu n keep u in the dark.I knew ur pain and sorrow but I just need u to b strong.

"we' saw how ur other 'precious' friends  treat u.the hypocrisy that we observe sometime make we wanna throw out.
but I just being myself and make u realize life won't be dat sweet like ur  fantasy.but I notice how YOU rather be in a dream than being realistic.
so I let you being at place where YOu like to be...LEt the good memories go.sbb menghargai diri aku mungkin susah utk kamo.mungkin sgt tipis utk kau lihat.

CHiNTA PERTAMA..CHiNTA KAH

apesal ntah ak er tajuk nk caps lock...bajet tajuk filem gapo...
ttiba rasa nk mbloging pas blk dr interview wat pertama kali er..
wlau utk keje part time...rasa cam bdoh je interview ak td...
watever ar....hope this time ak bler keje ngn sbaik mungkin..mungkin kah...


Merujuk tajuk diatas...mcm poyo je bunyi er...
abaikan if korang rs poyo....
masa umur ak 5tahun..parents ak antar g tadika yg skangkang kera ngn umah...skang dh x wujud tadika tu...
tadika tu nama er smurf...chomel je n ak suka sbb colour biru...
erks,mmg dr kecik ak lg suke colour biru dr pink..slalu kan klau bdk kecik pompuan je nk kena match ngan pink...xkesah ar...sbb hati ak ni mmg ada kebiruan sket kot..kohkohkoh...
ok ar..yg ak ingat psal tadika smurf tu sbb mmg die lukis karton smurf yg jd kegilaan budak2 kecik time tu...

excited ar konon nk g tadika ni....lg2 ada jongkang-jongkit.....n some other playing stuff for the kids...ak ingat satu je...sbb yg len mcm ak jarang main...
sbb tadika ni dekat ngn umah ak...so,mcm biasa ar tadika 2 tingkat...
n cikgu kelas ak india(tak ingat seh nama die)
tp kitaorg blaja mandarin sket2....stakat tau bilang aje....n kelas ak penuh ngn budak cina....ak x byak ingat psal aktiviti kat tadika tu....ak ingat sorng je kwan laki nama meor....hahahaha..so u can guess already rit...
cam bodo je ak ni....he kind of sweet ar....mmg talk-active n slalu duduk sebelah aku...
klau men pon slalu men sama-sama....mestilah men jongkang jongkit..time tu dh la pakai skirt pendek...confirm ar nmpak panties ak klau tgolek2...atau tlebey high jongkit...kuh2....
mmg cam sengal je...sbb xde kwan sgt..mmg ak close sgt ngn meor ni....
gurl len yg melayu ada kat tingkat 2..so ak ni mcm tcampak la kat bwh n kurang sket budak melayu...ak tak ingat sape kwn ak yg lain....mayb we tend to forget bad memory cause we hate to get hurt...
tak penting kot ak perah2 otak pikir yg ak xingat....
tapi...mmg hari2 klau ak smpai mesti nk cari meor ni....kecik2 dah gedik....sebenar er sblum tadika ni...ak duduk ngn akak ak dan di babysit oleh maklong kitaorg...wlau ada jer sepupu ak yang laki...tp akak ak n spupu ak tu x suke kot main ngn aku....ak slalu la di avoid....n disisihkan....(sma ar tu kan meaning er)
so,bile ak mcm ada sorang kwn yg close ni..mestilah ak suke.
stiap kali blk..meor ni naik bus...ak tak tau r rumah die kat ne...sbb die gtau die duduk jauh dr tadika....n tiap kali blk bile bus die lalu depan umah ak mesti die memekak panggil nama aku..kah2...songal gle....
~
n one day tu...
die g puji clip rambut sorang amoi ni....ak mcm jeles ar konon..die xpnah puji ak chantek..sbb mmg tak kot...hahaha....tp,ak mmg jeles ar tu...
n next pasar mlm(dr kecik ak suka g psar mlm ngan arwah abah..huhu...)ak g ar beli the exact same hari clip ngn amoi tu...esok er,ak bler pakai n pura2 dok tepi tingkap tunggu meor ni datang...
kecik-kecik ak dh sewel nk ngorat laki...hahahhaa~tp,ak x sure ar meor ni mmg x perasan tu mmg aku..
atau die pure-pure tsalah panggil ak ngn amoi tu..


akak ak memula xtau..tp pastu tau psal meor tu sbb die slalu panggil aku dr bus...ak xingat pas pindah tadika pon die ada gak panggil aku dr bus....n akak ak pon sewel sbb g tangkap gmbar abang meor tu yang satu sekolah ngn die(ntah mane la pic tu)....saje ar tu nk kasi ak jeles...


time last day n jamuan kat tadika pon ak ada gak menari ngan die...(poyo seeeeh)
ak ingat kot lg baju yg ak pkai time tu....ape2 je jiwa kekanak ak ni...
tp,ttiba teringat kat arwah moyang aku yg slalu antar n amek aku dr tadika..sob2(sedeh jap)~~al-fatihah
tp ak tadika kat situ setahun je...umur 6thn ak pindah kat tmpat jauh sket...sbb ak mgada-ngada gitau parents ak  yg cikgu ak pukul ak sbb jawab salah...(tp mmg melampau kot nk men lempang2 ak yg mmg xtau pape sgt time 5 tahun)...kat tadika ni ak xde lak suke sape2 sbb ak rmai sket kawan...


n yang pelik tu...masa ak darjah 3...parents ak beli rumah kat  cheras perdana and dorang ingat nk pindah situ...tp xsure apesal x jadi...
every weekend kitaorg akan g bersih kan rumah tu...n satu hari ni time ak main basikal....ak terjumpa blk meor ni..pelik kan...n pastu ak bler jatuh masa main beskal..n ak malu nk jumpa ngn meor tu....ape lah aku ni..n bile one day ak g blk rumah kat cheras tu..ak tau dorang dah pindah lg...ak rasa sbb bapak die mcm keje tentera kot....tp,tula...dulu xde sms/fb smua~cane ar nk contact...hahaha.....

Loving you mean hurting myself...

love like a riddle without a solution...
it more complex compare wit any equation in any calculus theory..
albert einstein said:the gravitation not responsible for falling in love..there are no theory which able to define love...


u keep reading the quote about love...u wish one of the quote u hv gut to dedicate to the one linger on in ur head...
u  never know what is wrong when is rit...
i wish... truly wish i cud just let YAng Maha Esa make decision with whom i shud b with..but there r moment where ur heart pounding more and more...jumping high and higher....there is a voice inside my head...wanna let u know..how much i care bout u..
how i try to avoid frm texting u...i do regret each time i call u......how i wish,u didnt pick up the phone and i will give up..
there always a thousand of excuse i made...to let us close...to let me...
but wat if..............
i'm not myself..no~ some say...we shud pick someone who dont change us to bcome other person....
but what if...this stranger dat we bcome make us feel much better....
make us smile more and more...


gurl..u nvr know wat ur heart want...
u make guy confius..cos u dont even know wat to do..


it happen;between guy who u let them know everything bout u...
and another guy who u try to b all perfect for him..
u know....u wont choose the first one


but guy..some of u...thought  dat gurl who cry on ur shoulder when she down...
laugh like a joker with all ur stupid joke..are the one who wanna b with u..
but most of the time..they dont...they dont know why...they dont love this kind of guy...who would go for the high mountain to catch a butterfly for their love...
who dive into the deeper ocean..to find a perfect pearl for u...


gurl~even myself...cant tell...how and why...we keep falling for the wrong guy..
guy who turn us to b miserable...guy who make us wait for him like hours to go out with..and cancel the date for the reason like"i dunt feel like going out"..mlas lak....yup~those guy r super jerk u wish u cud forget on...but u just dont...u hurt today...but u keep looking for him the other nite...
stop it gurl..u r pathetic..but wat cud i say...i'm trap wit my own stupid feeling...hate it when i love u....