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Friday, December 31, 2010

11 REsOLUTioN 2011

setengah anggap new year ni untuk orang kapir..why bother to make a new year list
Ak sendiri tak pernah atau x ingat pernah achieve ape2 resolution.SO kali ni..ak nak pastikan,sekurang-kurangnya separuh dari resolution ni tercapai.InsyaAllah.

#1: menghargai diri sendiri dari merasa sedeh atas mereka yang buat diri mcam kudis

#2: get organzie
#3: a book a week.4 book/month
#4:1page ayat Quran selepas/sebelum subuh.Another page sebelum atau selepas maghrib.
#5 :jogging ,sekurang2 er sminggu skali
#6 : belajar satu receipe baru sekali dalam sebulan (sekurang2 er)----->starting making a list and letak dalam calendar.
#7: mop bilik sminggu skali start this monday...hihi
#8: Maafkan semua orang sebelum tidur.
#9:Having a new lomo camera.
#10: ????? get a GOOD grade in master.ameeen~
Last skali untuk 2011~~~~~
.................................................
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#11: INGAT SEMUA BIRTHDAY/tak lupa wish kawan2....sending poskad etc.
start making a LIst of friends...
(AKI-9 dec,ecah+nab-2JAN,nazlina+ejun ;11 feb?, amy liyana: ? april.enun:18 april
ina :? july.jeda :21 Aug. farah: ? /?.mayD:?MAY.zarina:? june?.kak ct?,Liah=10mac.INtan.?
fuad: ? MAY,marina :?,fariQ:?? september. amir 1 MAc.CASPER d watt 9february.MAureeN:?,Jely the jejali:??.gaban:24 mac? mawi:20 june? anep 29september.izuan:26 june.fakhrul tongeng: 3february.)
nanti update..chowss

It just hurt(entri tlebey emo)

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate".


I would LOVe to keep everything that hurting me to my past.
Forgive and forgetting what might make me cry.
 literally I'm not good on doing those kind of thing.
Yeah,I'm the person who able to hold grudge for a long time.
That what my mom told me when we have a fight.
Maybe it just an excuse for her bcause forgetting thing she promised to me before.
But this isn't about my mom....
This is more to some fragile relation we build and bounding that we hope will last forever...
I'm not good telling people story.Plotting semua larik bersepahan.
Yeah,that one of my weakness.Ada ke orang kat dunia ni yang xda kelemahan?

Everyone does..But some people keep telling themselves.They can't overcome the fear.
I did sometime too...I've done a lot of mistake on my past. Terlalu banyak dan tak terhitung.
There are some mistake I wish I never did.Dan bila ingat,I can't barely hold the tears.


Tapi ada orang yg terlalu banyak mengira kelemahan diri sendiri...dan terlupa bersyukur/berterima kasih atas rahmat yg Tuhan beri..Tak nampak kasih sayang dan keikhlasan orang sekeliling.Perlu ke nak compare dgn orang lain atas nasib diri?
Klau orang lebih dari kita,kita rasa rendah diri.Klau ada orang lebih lemah/kurang bernasib baik baru kita nak mula bersyukur?


I feel like giving up on this people sometime...
Tapi,Tuhan pun tak pernah putus asa atas kat manusia.Sedangkan hari-hari kita buat dosa yang berganda.
BUT again,I'm only human.. Cuba bagi orang lain harapan walau diri sendiri terkapai-kapai.
I failed to stand strong...Ada sampai tahap yg ak sangat lemah nak berdiri balik...
Rasa ikhlas yang hilang.Rasa menyesal yang datang menganti.Tak mudah nak jadi kawan yang baik.Sedangkan diri sendiri xcukup teguh pendirian.
I've no one to turn to when I'm in deeply sorrow..
Keras hati kdg2 bila time emosi.will asking people for an advice but usually already knew what must hv done.
Bak kata enun,
"kau ni kena enter anger management class untuk belajar bersabar."
Probably I should~
dan akey said:"let the time pass by.Tak payah pikir sangat.keep the distance.Jangan complicated kan masalah. try je la kot baik biase2.no need to b soo close with someone who don't really appreciate you.
for old time sake.Relation made up from 2 side er understanding"
I don't really make a lot of friend.Probably I'm not really a good person dat people like to call friend.

But I still glad to have some of them who could guide me when I'm in the dark.
 I
Untuk mereka yg x rasa aku harus dihargai.Maybe ak harus berterima kaseh atas ke'baek'kan yg korang beri..
Mungkin ak mmg kecik hati kdg2 dgn korang.sbb hati ak x sebesar hati korang yg suci lg murni.
Aku x kan faham ape yg ada dlm otak korang.klau korang x bgtau.
I can't read mind.I'm not even a sweet talker darling~I'm just me who try to make my shallow lil heart fulfill with happiness after tears that I pour during my lonely time. 
aku  xpndai bg ayat2 manis thap diabetes to make u feel good bout urself.
ak xpndai nk puji/angkat2 org ni..sbb ak sndri susah nk rs bangga dgn diri sndri.Proven,ak rarely nk tgk chermin if nk kuar umah dlm keadaan sgera.atau g ladies time rushing2 kat mall.sbb sdar mmg comot.bila tgk cermin akan rs xpuas   ati n hv lot of dissapointment..
so I choose to avoid eye to eye ngn diri ak dlm cermin tlalu kerap..but when I did.akan amek ms agak lma.n ak buleh tukar smpai 4 baju sbb xconfident dgn bdan sndiri~
aku pon manusia lemah mcm org len.Tapi ak xhrap org dpt naseb yg sma dgn aku..lg2 when U call her ur bestfriend,bila org tu try to make u happy but It seem easy for U to make assumption like she nvr understand u.
YEah,I knew u well enough.Well enough untuk tak terus menipu n keep u in the dark.I knew ur pain and sorrow but I just need u to b strong.

"we' saw how ur other 'precious' friends  treat u.the hypocrisy that we observe sometime make we wanna throw out.

but I just being myself and make u realize life won't be dat sweet like ur  fantasy.but I notice how YOU rather be in a dream than being realistic.
so I let you being at place where YOu like to be...LEt the good memories go.sbb menghargai diri aku mungkin susah utk kamo.mungkin sgt tipis utk kau lihat.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

terus bermimpi

few days ago mimpi kena cabut gigi..
waaa~adakah sbb mlas gosok gg sblum tido..
pukul 11pm ni pon rs nk korek peti ice n mkan some desert..
rasa pening je isu carik rumah kat brisbane ni...
aku x pham sgt ecah er cdangan at first.kenapa la budak ni x folow study skali...
and too bad the agent not really helping a lot.
Herm.if I did it much earlier.I probably do it all on my own.
Reality is~ xsampai 2 bulan ak kena start belaja balik...
Shity giler feeling...rs yg sgt xbest when I start thinking deeply about this.
if  nk sPeakinG ENglisH, tahap confident maseh half cook lg..
ggggggggggggggggggggr~try wat boDoh..tapi sebenar er rasa cam scary giler.
uSha2 pic kat website rumah sewa ni...RAsA nak menangis pon ada
Keep telling myself.This is REAL!ni bukan g booking flit-hotel-after sminggu balik mcm dlu.
Suka atau tak.I have to stay there.struggle and start exploring new life.
Masa degree ibu suh g ak nk tunggu master.dah master ni,rasa mcm makin lemau..

aku,jeda n amy makan kat "?" mall ampang sabtu lepas.ada karoke rm1/slagu.tapi RM10-11 lagu
tapi sound system haprak..mall ni bagai hidup segan mati tak mauuu~
tapi kan....sizzling die sedap selepas sizzling metro kajang.....and ak tak rasa sizzling klcc tu sedap mcm ramai org kate..slalu order kat klcc msti x abes.tapi yg ni sgt nyummmy,amy yg dh makan pon ler abes kan sizzling ni...





Keep thinking bout someone lately ** sound stupid to hv this feelingt while I knew I can't be here 
and stay by his side....
Is it cruel if I let myself thinking there still a hope when I'm not able to see even a shadow of him coming on my way....I'm falling apart.I try to stop listening to my heart.BUt it kind of hurt.Sorry,too fragile to hide it~

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Kamu Yang Bakal HILANG

Bila kita baca yang dapat adalah . pengetahuan.

Bila kita  FAHAM yang dapat adalah ilmu.

Ilmu dan pengetahuan ini tidak akan mengubah apa-apa
 selagi kita tak BERANI nak guna....

Ada orang rasa,dengan mentelaah sahaja.mereka boleh jadi bijak.
Mungkin penuh ilmu didada..Tapi sejauh mana kita berjaya aplikasi dalam HIDUP.
Itu lebih bermakna...
Learning is a life-long process...


Ikot la resmi padi.makin berisi makin tunduk...
MenCUba tak sEmesTInya saLah.
TapI menJadi kESiLapan...biLA kita taK maHu menGakui KESILAPAN
BiLa kita berhenti untuk MENDenGAR...
Kita akan HILanG di DunIa FanTAsi yanG kiTa REka.


Kita takkan jadi yang terbaik.Tapi cuba untuk menjadi lebih baik dari semalam.
Klau ak trus menangis dan mengalah dgn semua yang pernah aku lalui.
Mungkin hari ini aku tak mampu lagi tersenyum.
Ya Ilahi,Terima kasih dan aku bersyukur...
Kau jadi kan ak seorang pelupa..agar aku dapat menikmati HiDUp dan KegemBiraAn hari INi.
Agar aku tak terus menyalahi takdir...dan merasakan diri ak HINA untuk aku LuPA syukuri.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Connection

out of nowhere or maybe somewhere dat I don't feel like want to remember
(dgn nada menahan kemenyampahan plzz)

"kak yah mesti ada impian nak kahwin kan"------syiah bungek
"HUH??"-------------------ak yg blur sambil tgk series korea kat tivi ni...

"mesti jeles tgk org lain kawin...mesti nk kawen ngn jejaka idaman,putera impian...maybe putera raja."-----------------syiah

"putera raja hape...ko ingat ak manohara?"---------------------xhah
duhhhhhh~ sambung je la kutuk hero korea yg ala-ala gay ni.....
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..soalan mmg sangat tak relevant....
 budak 12 tahun ni mmg dah mereng dok tgk cite sinetron banyak sangat...(ak dah kate sinetron mrosak kan pmikiran insaniah)...soalan die akhir2 ni agak  malas nak jwab.
naseb la...yg penting puas ati dh sabotaj facebook budak ni...wakakkakakaka(gelak gaya mak tiri snow white<<<<paling kejam dlm fairytale)

[p/s;Sorry,I can't be a good friend.....I screw up...I don't do the thinking and don't even know how to keep this from you..but we both human...we both make mistake....]

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Konvo Ibu

mcm mane ntah smlm dh poyo2 m'emosi kan diri
ler lupa yg ari ni konvokesyen my mom.
Dia belaja sampai STPM tak tau kenapa lepas arwah abah meninggal baru die rasa nak smbung belaja.
Tak sure die start bile dalam 2tahun gak nak abes kan her diploma eksekutif few month ago.

and I was soooo stupid n nyanyuk ler ajak kwan2 a.k.a my BSF kuar ari ni.siap sms cause mlas nk tunggu reply dr fb.
Patut la agak pelik mlm smlm balik sabah.Semalam die cuti tapi takde kat umah.Dan petang tu syiah entering room with wearing the jubah sambil pusing2 dalam bilik.
"Kak Yah,tengok ni...chantek tak"...sambil bajet2 princes wat tarian circus.
"Dah ko ni kenapa.." dalam hati aku terus rasa bersalah giler khinzir sbb lupa n wat lak planning sngal nk g karoke...
arghhhh~
selamat most of BSF mmg xde hal ari ahad...so,just sending another msg apologizing bout how forgetful I was before....
and yet Enun yang mula-mula xler g ari sabtu kate mayb join ari ahad wlau kena g maxis centre..
(mcm mlas nk gitau minah ni pyramid ada maxis centre---->believe me she full of excuses)
Yup,dia orang yg kuat alasan tapi tak nk manage.
enun: "Redbox pyramid mahal oooo....Alamanda je ar...gaji tak masuk lagi ni"
zihah:"orang len stuju..ko je nk rebel.nk tukar ko msg la balik budak2 ni....klau xnk karok...wat la benda len"
enun:"janglah marah....nanti cepat tua"

aku teringin je nak reply~wadefak?kuar ngn kawan byk je alasan....(tapi,malas kan nak menimbulkan isu)

Tapi petang tu je apak ajak budak opis jalan2 g mid...owh,sememangya terlambat.....BSF perlu diutamakan slepas family...wuhuhu~

Masa siap-siap g gosok baju...Layan la ibu cite.Rasa kcewa takde 'topi' bulu2 n seterusnya...
(hahhaha,saje nk inform yg kitaorg xde ar tegang sgt)
tapi,mcm padan la muka ak yang gatal sgt pkai sliper dah haus...
kemarin kuar mmg ada feeling mcm nak jatuh..
Pagi tadi sbb gelabah nk cepat...trus jatuh....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~
sakit!

----------------------------
agak awkward sbb environment yang len dari uitm.
saat ni baru la nak nyesal takde kamera canggih-canggih lebey 10MP.
Apekan daya~

MOTIF?xde motif....ak ngantok tunggu kwan ak kate nk g lowyat...klau tido takot xbangun..so gatal ar menaip ni...

Friday, December 17, 2010

Goo Goo Dolls-Fiction (Before It's Too Late)




I wander through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
and I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes

hold on before it's too late

We'll run till we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives



and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you don't live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone




So live like you mean it
Love 'til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone

Penat

if this mean nothing 
why I feel hurt?
Why I'm scared while thinking 'bout how it could be
If it hard for you~
I'm exhausting too...
Wish somewhere and somehow...
If I could lay someplace and forget my past with burden I'm carry on.
In place where I see your eyes....
 where I careless about the next step.
Those moment I wanna stay still..
Wish I able to stop the time that I'm still laughing with you...
Due to happiness pop out from my heart.....
At time my mind singing a song that I always want to hear....
42643

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Kurang Bijak

Agak kurang bijak aku nak mula berbicara benda yang x pasti.
Ada benda yang kadang-kadang kita nak berhenti agar esok luka itu akan pulih...
Ada jua yang buat diri mahu berlari sejauh-jauh nya....
agar yang pahit dapat ditinggalkan berlalu pergi...

Posisi ketika ini?
Hanya akur.dan befikir...
Siapa yang bakal dikhianati?
Untuk apa harus kufahami?

Andai asal sebuah kanvas hitam.....
Walau telah kucuba warnai jingga...
Ia masih kekal hitam.....Dan kucelup merah.....
Hitam nya masih pekat....
Menyekat segala impian diatas sebuah kegelapan taman impian...

Sunday, December 12, 2010

kek Tak Jadi

kekonon nk try oven baru kuar kotak...
sbb kekonon xreti guna m.wave yg canggih byk butang

hahahaa...
sadis,xjadik kek cheese kali ni....
last time ikot receipe classic cheese cake...
cepat je abes....
bau pon best...
kali ni konon2 nk wat japanese cheese cake...
tp bila tgk sukatan ikot gram2..trus mereng kpala....
benci gile nk measure penimbang....kat lab dlu pon slalu je mereng bacaan...


pastu cheese philedaphia(kot) ler sold out tadik..
wakakaka...ak dh la xpro...nk bedal je cheese xtau jenama ape seperti diatas

POST NI AKIBAT RASA MERENG....


dan hasil er kcewa bcampur duka...
xlalu nk mkan..mcm puding pon ade....
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~nangis

NIE sewaktu...selepas xde la hina sgt rupa er...tp kcewa rasa er...mcm puding..

Deep inside: 
Have you ever wish u only telling a lie so the story won't be so dramatic and rip back your heart?
Have you really feel like you telling 'bout your bad dreams but those are past you hv step into~


Am I trying to gain sympathy by showing my scar?
Or maybe I just want someone to really see me as I am...
Cause I find it hard....and trully hurt me back....
I regret it when I open my old book...
Cause it not worth to let it linger on my memory~


sometime you just cry so hard by yourself...
Hope everything will go...past like the wind...
You can;t tell no one bout it....It hurt you so much
You can share it...cause the pain just too real...
and most important...you hate it when people told you to let it go...
you know friends will say they be there for you...
Be strong and face the future...forget the past...you know everything they want to tell you..
So,you just don;t want to hear those thing anymore...
Cause you just want to throw everything bout it away~far far away....
and smile just like yesterday....

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Is this my Dream?


Engineering: where the noble, semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those 

who think and dream. Hello, Oompa Loompas of science!

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Froggie list

                                    roses tak wangi unfortunately ak jd fan for this flower.
                            (owhh,ni rupe er feeling dpt bunga....wink*)


1st katak-
kaklong; respon?sweeet er dapat adiah konvo
time:konvo diploma...
2nd katak-
syiah (Tp amin beli).
time:exactly time kuar dr dewan.degree
respon? erm,xpe la kenit je...mcm syiah gak...

3rd katak
 dari kengkwan...
respon? tergamam tgk dr jauh~
do i have to kiss the frog so it can turn to be some kind of prince charming?
I dunno..I wouldn't like to try it though.
time: on d way nk amek pic studio

syko lak ak ngn katak skang ni...

14 years ago,aku slalu men ngn jiran depan umah.Dina amira and Dinah athira...well,they both quite adorable...but that is not my point here...
one of thing that we used to play.hermmm,
depan umah dorang ada kolam kecik...and I day we figure out some small creature dat can swim and we tot it  some kind of fish,we let it swim.play with those little thing until one day we realize it can turn to b a frog..eyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~

Semalam time blk mimi tunggu depan gate...sweet er mimi....ntah mane mak mimi gi..cian die...
n Mimi bukan katak!!Mimi anak kucing bukan milik ak...tp suka dok dpan umah...
n aku suka sbb MImi dapat hapuskan imej buruk ak tentang bnda ijau...and the next day ada momo lak...cute sgt...

they both adorable too...2 little kitty that totally opposite colour but still kawaaaai!
I hope I can keep them as my pet..but that too impossible since k.long will b back next month..
`then,there will b no more mimi and momo around the house anymore... =,(


                                                    momo cuba kluar dr bakul(cute!)

something to remember

Usai dah convocation y ke2 smlm...
Rancangan Tuhan slalu er unexpected....I'm the one who don't bother and decided not to go for my convocation day but at the end my sister convocation day will be postpone due to d bad weather at her place...
Bradford winter teruk...scary er...baru awal november...it coming early then last time I were day.GLobAL warMing r such horrible thing you could imagine....and what bout the rest you couldn't?
Instead,my mom already there just to attend the ceremony by herself and ziqah...
but end up with disappointment....
Patut la ibu marah aku gile2 sbb xnk g...
Well,kesedaran last minute aku mmg aplikasi er kat smua keadaan....
Report Lab/technical paper/FYP/study for exam,thesis and even for this event I settle it in 2 days bfore taking the robe....owh3,adakala last minute yg mmg dirancang...
mlas nk dtg awal2 utk konvo...buying new shoes  for this day..new hairstyle(for those y tak pkai hijab)..semua pon rasa nk new...tough at first ko x pikir nk beli....nnti bile dh pikir2...msti mcm nk beli thing gak...but syukur lah sbb I did these thing last minute...JUST piCK thINgs In the wArdrobe .
MAke UP pon mascara n eyeshadow jeda er..uhuks...

Aku benci keserabutan selepas konvo..smasa nk nek pentas...sblum nek pentas..masa turun pentas..duduk dlam line yg sempit...Benci...

It really good to have someone you love especially your parents and family there...But yet,still do wanna be with ur good friends too...aku benci hakikat time konvo rasa nk amek pic ngn  kawan2..last2 kwn2 ntah bersepah hilang mane...sbb masing2 xde planning...n last2 g menepek kat ayam penyet....borak2 psal strip club...adoyaiii~lwaks giler....
But,yeah...maybe convocation not all about good picture you taking by wearing those fatty robe.But moment you appreciate every little heart that warmly and kindly make you achieve the scroll.
So this convocation not about me at all.It for you dear Family and friends who there or not....
I'm lucky for having you in my life.....I'm happy cause I still have you until now...
Some will go,Some will stay,Some remain the same,and there are some who turn to be completely strangers with each others(okey fine,effect dr tgk GLee ni ayat pon jd geli2..)..For whoever u'll become...This is for you~


oppss,but hadiah n bunga still untuk aku....hahaha ^_^

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Dalam

How can I decide what's right? 


When you're clouding up my mind 
Can't win your losing fight 
all the time 



Not gonna ever own what's mine 


When you're always taking sides 


You won't take away my pride 


No, not this time

How did we get here? 

when I use to know you so well 
How did we get here? 
Well, I think I know 



disaat kaki ak diratah nyamuk ni....
ler lagi rasa nk merapu~ I've lot to say tonight,or even last night..maybe this gonna b forever...
someone told me dat I never try to do it right..
Dan sekarang ni...it just getting worst.parah dan bernanah.

'Aku akur dengan hati yg busuk..Supaya dapat kau lihat yg indah diluar.'

I wish I could spell it out,from alphabets to word...
from words to perfect description from right inside my soul...
But everything will b so wrong...
I might end up using harsh words and some mean explanation from what I've been through...
So I end up listening instead of describing.
Realize, it never gonna be a good solution in a long term...
Yet the picture getting uglier this many years
 I just bare with your dream.cause I don't want any of us to get hurt .
But maybe I wrong~maybe I don't have any guts to tell you...
Pathetically coward I am.... 


Kaseh sayang tu pelik...Knape mesti tunjuk dengan cara yg pelik...
Cara yg buat aku rasa asing...I'm no one but human who try to breath under the same sky...
Cuba melihat bintang yg sama dari longitude dan latitude yg berbeda...
Dan kita melihat KEINDAHAN itu dengan CaRa  X sama.
Manusia mmg kejadian yg ANEH....Memilih untuk melihat perkara yg DisUKA
Mencipta ALasAn yg hilang LoGik disaat haBES daLiL dan hUJaH...
kEraNa dia Tahu...aKU akan Setia di PAksI serUpa...
aKU masEh uTUh denGAn JawaPAn yg LebIh dari pasTi...
Penghujung nya...Aku tetap yg tewas..
Toleransi?skadar ucapan waktu mahu rasa selesa...
Ya,ak maseh lg manusia PELIK yg lemah....
Yang lelah berdiri diantara garisan yang mmbeza kan taraf manusia..
Kerana aku rasa kekalahan dan benci rasa itu.


Prinsipku..cuma sampah yang kau lihat...
Lalu kau biarkan ak tersesat dalam impian mu.


Penat ku...anggapanmu keGILAan aku tak pasti...
Lantas kau buat aku berhenti DaN hilang dari mimpiku sendiri

BEnAR ak bukan penentu JAlaN akhir diri ku..
Tapi kau lupa, aku maseh percaya takdir Tuhan Yang Sasksama.
Walau DisUrat selamanya kau tak mampu hargai aku sebagai AKU.
Walau tersirat.Kau mahu aku wujud untuk Kau banggakan.
DImana kita Sama-sama tak mampu  hadap realiti 
 waLaU sedAR aku jua rapuh dan LeTih untuk berTahan....

Lastly,aku masih aku yg semalam.Just sick and tired of shouting and fighting.