raya song

okeh,as usual I haven't finish my proposal.wade???
30% for my final result and still playing around....so typical of me.
Just having my breakfast (opssss,it's still ramadhan and you know what I mean rit?)
sure...
It just my coffee and my bread.and probably cereal next.
(I need big breakfast...everyFday)

browsing facebook...
seem everyone on their way back to kampung.
Watching youtube,,the latest video from matlutfi..about merdeka something.I'm not able to finish it up..
Too long..(need to finish my assignment remember?)
so yup...why not another video...
and this super long video absolutely burst my tears out.

my mom call yesterday...during the time they suppose to break fasting...
It was 9pm at here..
'ada call ke tadi?'
'No,I didn't'
'owhh,tp ada miscall ni..'
'Takde lah....tengah wat ape tu?'
'baru buka...tp yang lain tak balik dr bazar jln kuching'
and go on..and on..
the point is...I'm not sure if she just saying about me calling her.and absolutely I didn't.

salah tekan?termissed call? Impossible I tell ya~
I hardly text anyone anyway~

so I was watching it..and make me cry ...
it feel so tahi..when think back how I never skyping with them.
I never try to appreciate maybe..
she want to kirim my baju kurung to my neighbour who come to visit her son here.
But I refuse since I don't really in mood to mix around for hari raya like a normal person do.
I was selfish thinking about my assignment which I know I could finish it up early but I don't.
I just being lazy as usual and only finish it up on the last minute.and regret it when it just too late for it.

well basically yeah.I regret for not letting her come here for hari raye.
she have a week off for raya holiday.
I just don't want her to feel bored celebrating raya which I have no attention to celebrate it though.

I feel free for not thinking about how boring my raya will be this year.
(like every years I do...)
apart of it.I do want to be with my family..we don't have a big family though.
Past few years.It only us who will waiting for people come for takbir during malam raya.
I wish my sister will soon get married and give some niece or something..
but maybe at that time she'll be at her husband house and we still be alone...
(be careful what you wish for)
Our raye usually empty and dull not as we were kid.
I missed my nenek old house with perigi and serambi to play with..
and some buaian and loteng where place I pampered myself when my sister and cousin pulau me from their  childhood play.

pinjam dari...(google)

So yaaaah,the first raya song I listen today...
is from him too...I do think he kinda of cool doing simple thing yet really mean a lot for a person like me..


I do hate raya songs when everywhere the same raya song will be repeating like million time on the radio,mall,car..everywhere!! it just make me sick...
When I used to be the loyal front sitter during balik kampung time,
arwah abah will grumbling when there is no raya song on the radio.which at that time I prefer to tune into other channel when raya song is on air.

before I feel glad for not listen to raya song  this time..
I already finish listen to this just now..

Thanks dude make me listen to my first raya song for this season...

sedeh er ramadhan bakal berakhir

Ya Allah Ramadhan pergi lagi...dan terlalu sedikit aku beramal di bulan ini..
Hujan rintik pagi-pagi hari...

My mind not stop thinking about how dissapointed I've been all this time,
I wish to change.every single day.Merely I'm not doing great.
Forgive me Allah.Forgive for all wrong doing. My family and I did...
guide us to paradise...

Ya Allah Don't Take My Soul Away
Until You Are Happy With Me
آمین
...
Ya Allah Give Me Death
While I Am In Sajdah
آمین

Ya Allah Let The Last Word Of My Life
Be The Kalma Shahadat
آمین

Ya Allah If I Die In Sleep Let
My Heart Beat The Zikr Of Allah
آمین

Ya Allah, The Guider Of The Lost Souls,
Forgive The Entire Ummah
آمین

Ya Allah Forgive My Parents, My Teachers,
My Family And My Friends

aku tahu aku kena

walau 2o minutes ak berkurung dalam toilet disable ni..
aku tau aku kena type waktu ni jugak.
aku tak nak myesal sebab tak luah kan benda ni...

aku tak post lagi.medium ape yg seswai nak bagi.aku tak pasti.

aku abaikan bunyi pancutan deras dari kamar kecil sebelah ni..
lebih 4kali pancutan ak dah dengar.
tapi blum habis rasa nak diluah..
aku terus kan lagi..walau dah terdengar ketulan keras pula yg jatuh dlm mangkuk sebelah...jijik
mmg jijik.
sebab tu ini rumah syaitan.

aku sambung lagi.sbb aku tak boleh type kat depan pc.aku dah nangis tadi.mcm ayer paip deras mengalir.
lagi 20 minit tutorial.tak siap keje.takde progress..matilah aku.
tapi aku tak boleh tahan rasa yang ni.dari pagi tadi.aku termenung.tak dapat nk luah kat tempat seswai lg dah.ni je medium er.

tengok cermin.muka aku dah merah..
kata eza klau korea muka merah mesti baru lepas mabuk.ak mabuk ape?
mabuk najis manusia.gilers

mane aku tahu

'klik..klik..klik..klik' type...
tapi,
bukan ak yg type.org sblah aku.ntah brape kali btukar ganti.
ak xpasti.aku dari kul 10am.skang dh nak jam 3pm.

"week6,week7,week8,-collect data in main street newfarm.."
ak pura-pura bpikir idea utk report.
malas!youtube sanum ghafor lebih menarik minat aku.
inventory mgt tutorial jua tiada buah kemajuan yg terhasil.
cost hold...Q,N .formula..erksss ape smua ini...

termenung sambil kusyuk check ipod.

"sorry,is there anyone using this pc?"
asian girl myapa aku tanye benda aku tak pasti.

"no..i don't think so.."  jwb dengan yakin.

ttiba datang sorang lagi asian girl..

"sorry I was using this pc before..."
.
.

.
aku pura-pura tak dengar sambil bergaya dgn headphone tanpa playlist lagu keudara.
~
cibabengs

Assalamualaikum

sempena ujung-ujung ramadhan ni..
smoga aku dan korang insaf.
ttiba rasa nk public kan balik
anyhow...aku malas nak tulis serabut-serabut.
nak put as simple as I could.


For now. cuma mahu mbtulkan kesalahan ejaan terutama in english.

yep,know korang hebat english.so malu la nok ayat aku tungang langang mcm tak pegi skolah.

Realize #emo

when I realize how important you are to me..u already gone...


there will always be someone who make u retype ur text msg and feel regret untill he reply back ur msg

here we go again~

" Ia cuma mengambil masa seminit untuk jatuh hati pada seseorang,
1 jam untuk mENYUKAI seseorang,
1 hari untuk meNyinTAI seseorang,tetapi
ia mengambil masa SEPANJAnG HiDuP untuk 
meLuPakan seseorang......."

ak baru berazam xnak online smpai ahad.konon2 type2 ni esok br nk post..
tp gatal gak nk post ari ni.lpas 3hr bpikir n bpikir...
makin ak pikir..makin ak nk lari dr kenyataan datang dari ayat penyata dalam jiwa aku yg agak mrepek ni.

barelly know what I should do...
cause literally,Confession seem to Be~~herm,
 not A very good IdEa!

the last time I remember telling the truth about my feeling.it DID NOT end up good.
 only get THING WORST.
Turn up, It easier for us being enemy rather try to act friendly.
at first,He gave me hope,did make me happy TAPI,when the truth come out.The whole drama started and it like ripping us apart.
end of THAT lousy story.yup,mr X yg sharus er idup bahgia skang stelah kick out aku dari idup die yg mcm bagus sgt n guess what?
I don't give a damn care about him anymore.
pada mereka yg prnah baca probably akan muntah ijau bila ingat.
I totally forget about him,my stupid crush/feeling dat I used to have~
and move on with my lonely world again.dah lama aku bye2 kan cite bodoh yg dulu... saje ingat kan kekonon nak jadi pengajaran utk ari ni...tp~
I always trap with my own feeling.
and now,I hate to think that i'll be doing the same mistake again.
in fact i never believe I'm good enough to be someone lover.
or anyone~ especially someone dat I Do have feeling for him.so,aku xde la selalu berharap/prepare for any of that.

And yupsss,I did not expect to fall in love again.seriously??dalam waktu begini?should I care bout something else.
I did make some promise to myself untuk 'pergi' without hv to worry about 'someone' who I left  back here.tapi,aku tak boleh refuse .
I just feel it and hardly to deny it.

few months ni.'It' happen  tough I never asked for it.
At first I only want to hv some fun and create a good memory before I start my new life at QLD.
yang aku sndiri tak pasti ape kah ghupe er nanti~
Dan sekarang,
it absolutely NO FUN,when few weeks back I started to hurt jeda's feeling atas sbb musabab yg tidak bernas.
kitaorg xpnah gaduh psal laki atau berkaitan  opposite gender.
sebab taste kitaorg yg absoulety tak sama.dan ak x mungkin suka org yg die suka.NOkHTAh!

and now I even hurt my own true feeling.
sebab aku maseh pembodoh yg x reti nak belajar dari kesilapan.
menyukai ssorang diwaktu yg agak tidak seswai with someone yg barely know me.
atau barely want to know me.

'maybe we need more time...
maybe we don't really know each other well
maybe we are rushing into it..
maybe I'm not good enough for you...'

those r some thought yang make thing impossible.
alasan yg tetap akan jadi alasan.
the truth is...MAYBE~it never happen~mungkin dia tak akan rasa apa yg aku rasa.

how much time do we need?
how well do you need to know about me?
how slow do u want me to go.
how should I change to make thing possible for us?

the TRUTH always appear in UGLY form...ALWAYS!
but
will you still love the UGLY faces that you'll be seeing 
after that?
will you able to handle the obstacle you hv to face in future?
will you stay believe there always hope after storm coming?

i just feel,it seem worthless to try more if he didn't
 show some effort to know me..

if only he have the same spark like i did
if it could be much easier for us after telling how I feel
if I would stay the same tough he can't love me back.
if only I know what I could do to make him happy the most~
i'll do, even if that thing could make my heart hurt the most...
if and if....tapi rasa er chances sgt tipis.

between giving up and letting go...
aku masih keliru nak beza kan dua term ni.
nak apply dlam situasi skang ni.
should I letting go this feeling.put in the box/bottle and let it flow through the sea.
should I tight it at a kite and let it blow with the wind?

selalu sangat merasa kehilangan orang yang penting dalam hidup.
(makin tak tau hargai mereka yg hadir dlam waktu yang malang)
keep happening in my life but it never get easier for me.even the time passing by,year by year.
the sorrow never really end.

mengarut er aku skang ni.supposely aku pikir psal email visa,transporting kat sna,
brang nk packing.and other thing...
oh,GOd!
help me not to neglect my responsibilty towards my dream but
yet~ I still need love in my life..
glups...glupss...sambung minum ayer pisang+susu+tomato....arghhhhhh...pergi la jauh-jauh wahai 7kg!!!

"jangan pAndAnG pada keCaNtikan kerana boleh jadi ia pALsu,
 jandan kejar akan keMEwaHan kerana ia akan susut...."